Let me take you through a roller coaster of emotions through this blog. There are 3 reasons (I believe) why you need to read this blog-
• You have been jealous.
• Your partner has been jealous.
• You are a rational creature who is not affected by jealousy in any way and this is one way for you to come across jealousy and its effects. These are issues seen in your neighbors, friends, and mostly relatives.
Most researchers believe that jealousy is not a single emotion, but a combination of negative emotions. Some people might react with anger, while others might experience hurt feelings, for example. every person shows different kinds of reactions when they get jealous. Anger, hurt, resentment, upset and few other strong negative words (easily found on google) all of them or a combination of them is a result of jealousy. They might appear at different levels of intensity for different individuals. These reactions can be labeled as jealousy.
A situation perceived by a partner as threatening to a valued romantic relationship leads to jealousy. Jealousy is composed of thoughts, feelings, and coping behaviors. When a partner becomes aware that his/her love interest is happier with another partner, that person perceives it as a threat. His / Her mind which was engaged in daily chores all of a sudden turns into an antenna capable of receiving any kind of signals, the capabilities at this moment is more like a superman/wonder woman, ability to hyper-focus on very simple things. They get insecure.
The second wave filled with negative emotions follows the realization of such a threat. Anger, frustration, rage, upset, hatred, hurt, regret all of these flashes with such speed it is capable of converting a sane human into a wild boar ready to attack at a slight movement. Of course, we aren't animals and hence, our coping strategies (which has its own history) kicks in.
What are the reasons of jealousy, through the following points, we will understand why we feel the emotion of jealousy –
1) Comparison – Whenever we started doing comparison with our partner, we feel complex.
2) Have a competitive nature – If you are competitive in nature, it is possible that you might feel anxiety and jealousy emotion.
The coping strategies could be any one of the below mentioned --
1) Integrative communication
2) Distributive communication
3) Active Distancing
4) Expression of negative affect
5) General avoidance/denial
6) Violent communication/Threat
Integrative communication would involve the partner expressing his/her feelings and thoughts without placing blame on the partner this would be positive in nature or neutral and I believe it’s the best way to place the issue on the table the involved partner feels safe to respond and there are a multitude of options on how to deal with the issue.
RIP to our sane self, here comes our Distributive communication - accuse, blame and buildup an argument, end up with more hurt and upset, experience more emotions, start ruminating. Why did he/she do this? What have I done to him/her? Am I not attractive? Does the person love me or not? He / She would not have done this? He/ She should love me only and only me? and many more mostly these are the chattering.
Active distancing - aren't we all experts in that. The famous silent treatment which worked on you and hurt you very much and now you want to try it on your loved partner.
Would a person with such strong emotions and varied thoughts and confusion be able to have healthy communication with another? Maybe yes but mostly no added to these feelings one starts to distance not physically but emotionally with others. Their discussion would end up around the same topic at first it seems interesting later people start to avoid and pass comments. The partner might choose to stay alone as he/she is overwhelmed and is unable to connect rationally with individuals lost in thoughts, conclusion, anything near or far from perceived reality becomes real transforming them as an ALICE/MARK lost in the wonderland. Until they take the initiative to speak to a therapist to understand their own self could help them look through the issues both bring on the table and how to work through them. So, what should be done by us to stop this jealousy and heal ourselves?
Here are some points –
1) You should take care of your feelings; you must not ignore your feelings, emotions whether you are feeling positive or negative.
2) Listen to your heart, not your head and try to think, Are you doing it right by getting jealous of your partner?
3) Write down your thoughts on the paper and now observe this, what exactly the reason behind this jealousy and negativity?
4) Keep calm, have patience, and then think about the relationship between the two of you.
5) Stop playing the blame games. If you both, again and again, blaming each other, then your relationship will not become as good as earlier.
6) Don’t lose your calm, have patience and try to resolve the issues between two of you.
7) Try to understand each other, he is your partner, jealousy is such a negative emotion as it will destroy your relationship completely.
8) Heal yourself from inside, maybe your some deep-rooted issues that were unresolved earlier, now this is a high time to resolve this because now the emotion like jealousy has entered your relationship.
9) Communication is the key to every problem, so if the issue like jealousy has arisen in your relationship, talk to each other. If you think your partner will not understand you, and then talk to your close friend or any family member whom you trust.
If still, you think, you both are not able to resolve this issue then you both need a counselor.
So the next time you get jealous and start to distance your partner from yourself call a therapist and make this as an opportunity to get to know yourself better.