Domestic violence : A burning issue

Dr. Sritapa Roychowdhury
Marriage & Relationship

08 Jan 2021
Domestic violence

Domestic Violence 

Domestic Violence occurs when one person tries to overpower another person. One intimate partner can do violence against his partner. A father can overpower his children and perform an act of domestic violence.

When we talk about domestic violence, we should first know the different spectrums of domestic abuse. Broadly it may be divided into two categories.

1) Physical Torture

Physical torture can go to any extent of cruelty. While it generally starts with slapping or hitting the spouse occasionally, the frequency of such incidents gradually increases to become a more regular phenomenon. Not only the spouse but also the in-laws can also directly or indirectly get involved in such violence. As we are living in a male-dominated society, the victims of physical domestic violence are mostly women, though it is not uncommon to find a few male victims as well. So, the gender is irrelevant here. The weaker and vulnerable one is susceptible to be tortured more than a stronger person is. Physical torture also includes sexual torture. For example, if an unwilling partner is forced to involve in sexual activity, it can count as sexual abuse.

2) Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse may include using abusive language to the partner, criticizing him or her every time, humiliating him in front of others, making him or her unhappy, frustrated and depressed, throwing him or her to the extent of self-doubt, controlling his or her action, not giving enough space, not showing enough affection and care, not giving financial independence and so on. In general, it is often said that, if you are earning your own bread, you will gain financial independence. But unfortunately, things are not so easy in real life. In my experience, I have worked with many clients who are earning well and are economically independent, but their finance is completely controlled by their spouse. Despite these exceptional cases, it is strongly recommended that one should try and earn as per their capabilities as it is the preliminary step to get independence from any kind of toxic relationship. Rest of the things can be taught to regain one's self-esteem.

Some other kinds of abuse are-

1) Economic Abuse

2) Threats

3) Stalking

4) Cyberstalking

Let's talk about this 

1) Economic abuse 

When a person tries to have all the financial control with him and don’t let his partner to make a use of money without his permission then this is economic abuse. In some cases, without permission, he can’t spend money.

2) Threats 

When a person gives a threat to hit or injure his partner or children or parents then this is called a threat in domestic violence.

.3) Stalking 

When a culprit, stalks victim, traces his phone calls, wants to know the location of the victim’s location, suddenly reaches his home/ workplace etc.

4) Cyber Stalking

 Cyberstalking is a way by which a person stalks another person online. He checks the victim’s social media profiles.

Victims can be 

1) Spouses

2) Sexual/ dating /intimate partners

3) Family members

What should be the right strategy to deal with domestic violence?

In extreme cases, it is advisable to cut off the relationship, if possible because it is the easiest way to save yourself from a miserable life. You can opt for legal advice and through your lawyer, you can settle your deal and demands as compensation for your damage. You may ask for money, fight for the custody of your child, can punish your abusers. These are all common thoughts run in your mind while you listen to a domestic violence case. But things are not so easy in reality. The abuser here is not a stranger, but often our beloved one. Often he/she is the parent of your child. So, it is difficult to cut off the relationship and opt for punishment of the abuser.

Then what to do!


Address your issues with your abusive spouse from the very beginning and do not ignore even a single abusive action. Remember that, in general, a person can't be that bad all the time. He or she might be having larger issues with his or her own self. There may be some conflicts, suspiciousness, insecurity, stress, anxiety or any other mental health issue. The abusive action may come from that pathological condition. He or she may be drug-addicted. Try and figure out his or her agony, if possible. Convince him or her to take expert help. Generally, they also suffer from guilt after doing any disproportionate action to channelize their excessive anger. Utilize that moment to convince.

A psychotherapist or counselor may resolve your problem permanently. A family may be saved. A marriage can be saved. Sometimes, a child who is raised in a disturbed environment, either with an abusive parent or with a single parent, can have emotional turmoil throughout their upbringing. Childhood and adolescence is a time to build one's psyche. Only a happy home can guide them towards becoming positive and optimistic people in their future life.

Domestic violence cases have increased due to lockdown

Domestic violence cases have increased in this corona period. People find it difficult to bear one another. They have to spend hours and hours together so the cases of domestic violence have increased. The people have to stay inside their homes, due to this they have developed anxiety, stress, worry, and depression. Not only spouses but the children are also the victims of domestic violence. This is happening because now people are spending a lot of time together. Also, due to lock down the level of frustration, anger has reached a certain level in people. They think everything is uncertain and this uncertainty has increased due to corona lockdown which is creating stress and anxiety problems due to which cases of domestic violence have increased.

Domestic violence is the problem which has been faced by the people of every country. This violence had destroyed and is destroying the lives of many people. We should be kind to each other. Violence is not the solution. If there is a matter, it can be solved by a nice communication. Government, some NGOs have taken several steps to control this type of violence but as a responsible citizen and a human being, it is our responsibility to take care of our mental health, do meditation, read good as all these things help us to obtain a PEACE OF MIND.

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