Book An Appointment

How to Deal with Possessiveness? | How to Control Your Jealousy?

My Fit Brain - Your jealousy obviously rests on healthy foundations. You are of a rather serene character. You are looking inside for ways to reach your goals and boost your self-confidence. Admittedly, you sometimes envy colleagues or friends, but not to the point of feeling devoured by jealousy. You are inspired by the qualities and assets of others rather than experience them as a painful injustice. In your romantic relationships, you manage to trust the other and give him enough freedom. Don’t worry, let’s know how to deal with possessiveness?

Neha Mehta Marriage & Relationship 28 Mar 2020
How to Deal with Possessiveness? | How to Control Your Jealousy?
2 Years Ago 841 Reads 12 min read

Your jealousy rests on healthy foundations. You are rather serene or looking inside for ways to reach your goals and boost your self-confidence. 

Admittedly, you sometimes envy colleagues or friends, but not to the point of feeling devoured by jealousy. You are inspired by the qualities and assets of others rather than experience them as a painful injustice. In a romantic relationship, you manage to trust the other and give him enough freedom. Don’t worry, let’s know how to deal with possessiveness? You also know how to protect your own space, and put your energy into cultivating love rather than verifying its foundations. But your sensitivity has its limits, especially when your spouse is monopolized by someone other than you, or when you are going through a period of doubts, questions about your life, and yourself. 

Despite these small weaknesses (natural), you have enough confidence in yourself not to expect others to reassure you. Your inner solidity does not make you dependent on the other and his love.

Your main asset? You transform jealousy into a stimulating force: rather than getting bogged down in an envious and passive attitude, your jealousy makes you active. It makes you want to surpass yourself: by redoubling your charm, by deepening your files, or by waking up your creativity. A word of advice: continue to cultivate your confidence in yourself and others. And also know that jealousy is a healthy feeling when it is tempered. It strengthens lovers and strengthens bonds. It's up to you to make good use of it.

How to Deal with Possessiveness | How to Control your Jealousy?

a girl and man fighting vecotr graphic

What explains this desire to own the other? How to deal with possessiveness? How to control your jealousy so as not to come to this end? Do you want advice on getting sickly jealous?

Do you think it is possible to love without feeling jealousy? On this issue, opinions are divided. For some, a little jealousy would not hurt anyone. On the contrary, it helps strengthen the bonds of the relationship. For them, his absence would even be synonymous with non-attachment. On the other hand, for others, it is a negative emotion that has nothing to do with love; reason, everything must be done to cure jealousy. 

However, there is one point on which everyone agrees, that is, when jealousy and possessiveness mingle then, create a toxic cocktail for any relationship.

A matter of limits:

Feelings of jealousy arise from the fear of losing the affection of the loved one to the detriment of another. This fear itself usually comes from a lack of self-confidence or a loss of confidence in the other.

Jealousy is, therefore, a reflection of our fears and our emotional insecurity. So it’s a normal feeling that is sometimes justified in some cases. The catch is that it can turn into an obsession, cause a feeling of possessiveness and become uncontrollable in some people.

Whether in love or friendship, jealousy and possessiveness are vices that can intoxicate the life of the person who suffers from it and that of those around him. The line between these two faults is very thin, which is why one does not usually go without the other.

Possessiveness: when jealousy exceeds its "normal dose"

If you are having excessive jealousy, chances are you are also possessive. Indeed, when a person cannot manage his jealousy, he locks himself in his reality filled with doubts, anxiety, and suspicion. No matter what attempts to bring it to reason, nothing will work. It is therefore at this moment that jealousy and possessiveness come together to destroy his life and that of his loved ones.

Possessiveness expresses an exaggerated need for exclusivity. A jealous and possessive person feels ownership of his partner. She considers the other as an object that belongs to her and no one else. Possessive jealousy drives you to control everything in the life of the other to decide to keep him in our grip. One deprives the other of all independence and freedom because one does not want to share it with anyone. Yet this need for exclusivity is so difficult to satisfy that it becomes a real source of suffering for the jealous.

Causes of emotional dependence?

There is no doubt that sickly jealousy is generally accompanied by possessiveness which is an enemy of the couple. These two vices are most of the time the expression of serious problems such as lack of self-confidence, fear of abandonment, feeling of being worth nothing without the other But more serious still, we notice that they are at the origin of a certain emotional dependence.

The extremely jealous partner lives in deep emotional insecurity. Indeed, when jealousy and possessiveness take control of our lives, we act as if our existence depends entirely on the other. So we are constantly on the defensive and spending our time watching each other's every move. In short, the jealous become addicted and do not hesitate to use the threat, the emotional blackmail, the guilt to keep the other cost than the cost. Difficult to thrive and be happy in such a relationship.

Also, when you try to control your partner because you are overly jealous for no reason, he or she may end up having enough and will want to part. That's why you have to make the decision to heal from jealousy while there is still time.

Advice to Control your Jealousy

You do not want to be jealous to the extreme and save your couple? Here are a few tips to apply now to get there.

Identify the origin of your jealousy:

It is important to identify the causes of jealousy to manage it better. Indeed, we all feel (at least for the majority), the fear of losing the person we love. This feeling of fear and anxiety can come from a lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, a lack of attention on the part of the spouse.

When these emotions take root, jealousy and possessiveness quickly find their place. We then adopt behaviors of control and power which, we hope, will alleviate these painful feelings. We must, therefore, seek to explore the origin of our fears rather than project them onto our partner.

Express your fears and emotions:

As I have said more than once, we are jealous because we are afraid of losing the affection of our beloved. But when we can't manage this fear, it can become pathological. So if you don't want your jealousy to turn into an obsession, you should, if you have any doubts, try to understand what's going on. Jealousy and possessiveness can be quickly mastered if you give an important place to dialogue within your couple.

Do you think your lover is unfaithful? Worried that your partner would leave you for someone else? Are your doubts and suspicions justified? There is only one way to find out, ask your partner directly. So you will know what it is about and you will be fixed. This is also an opportunity to share with him the reasons that led you to believe that there is an eel under the rock. In short, one of the best ways to control jealousy is to rely on assertive communication.

Learn to master your emotions to overcome jealousy and possessiveness:

To heal jealousy, we must succeed in channeling the feelings it arouses in us (anger, hate...). It’s about controlling yourself and controlling your emotions so that you don’t react to them. So, when you feel a fit of jealousy rising in you, do not react violently. Instead, try to calm down and then try to understand the situation. Just because a man talks to your wife doesn't mean you have to have a tantrum and hit her. 

So learn to react like a self-confident and trusting person, even if it is difficult. If you let jealousy and possessiveness control your behavior and reactions, you may regret it later.

Boost your self-confidence:

vector graphic of a confident girl

Often it is a deep-rooted fear that someone will leave you or turn their love away from you because you are "not good enough" that is the source of the problem. In this case, jealousy and possessiveness result from emotional insecurity and low self-esteem. 

So you have to work to learn to believe in yourself and accept yourself. Even if the others reject us, we will know that it is not necessarily our fault, but that it is life.

Learn to trust:

Trust is the backbone of any relationship. Without it, love cannot fully flourish. If your dearest desire is to no longer be excessively jealous, you need to improve your confidence, both in your partner and in yourself.

If you easily get jealous, it's also because you can't trust others. This can be explained by the fact that you have been betrayed or abandoned once in the past. Today, you subconsciously project the fear of being hurt again onto your partner. To overcome jealousy and possessiveness, you need to ask yourself if you have reasons not to trust your current partner. 

If not, look for the source of your trouble elsewhere. But in case he has betrayed you in the past, you must forgive him and give him your confidence again, otherwise, jealousy will quickly ruin your relationship.

To cure jealousy, you have to be positive:

Jealousy is a feeling that feeds on assumptions, assumptions, and imagination. You put yourself in all your states for something bad that has not even happened yet, and which may even never happen. By doing this, jealousy and possessiveness will come to your house to spoil your life. To avoid being jealous of anything, try to see life in pink instead. Know that you cannot stop someone from harming you. Also, monitoring, spying, accusing, or controlling does not protect you from emotional harm.

If you think your lover is sincere, then give him your trust. The benefit of the doubt is essential for a relationship to work. 

Forget about the Past:

It may be that someone has seen you in the past or has done very badly to you, but if you have moved on from that relationship and you have started a new relationship, then how can you have to forget your past? If you always keep your past with you, you will never be happy in your new relationship, forget what happened and start your new relationship with a new beginning.

I know that these things are easy to say, it is equally difficult to do. But if you want to make your upcoming life good, then you must do it. And always be positive, if you try yourself, your partner will also support you completely, but if you want to stay in the past yourself, then one day your new relationship will also end.

Live Your Own Life:

If both of you want to be happy with each other, then both of you must first learn to live your life. You both can live happily together, like if you have anything to discuss in your life, you can share like your hobbies, skills or whatever work you do, if you talk all this to each other, then your life can be interesting.

Know each other’s friends:

If both of you get to know each other and you introduce your friends to your partner, then it will also be good for your relationship life, because of that, you need to know about the circle and family of the person you are living with.

If you introduce your friends to each other, then jealousy will not come to your mind for anyone.

Don't be a Spy:

The biggest idiot in a relationship if someone does it is spying, if you are in a relationship with someone, then you should also learn to trust him/her, some people become spies to doubt their partner and check their phone, checking social media accounts, emails, etc.

If you show trust in your partner, then obviously he/she will remain loyal to you, but do not trust blindly to anyone.

Don’t try to Change your Partner:

If you come into a new relationship and only after some time you start seeing deficiencies in your partner and you want your partner to change these deficiencies, it means that you want to change your partner, But doing so can put your new relationship in danger.

Take what you have, yes, if it has some bad habits that are not right for his/ her and your future, then it is important to change them all, but only if you get the right time, you have to take some action that will help the partner understand your point.


At last, I am going to tell you that Possessiveness is not good for any relationship. Respect and trust are the most powerful things. Although you have good reason to believe that he or she is not respecting you, is misleading, or is not serious, then be sure to make your arrangements in time. Did you like this article on the subject of How to deal with possessiveness? Please share it on social media to help others overcome these emotions. Are you or have you been a jealous and possessive person? How is it going for you? Did you like this article? It's time to take action.

  • Recommended

    Neha Mehta

    Consultant Psychologist

    Hisar, India

    Available - Online

    Language: English, Hindi, Punjabi

    Expertise: Child Counseling, Couple Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Parenting, Self Improvement, Sleep, IQ Testing, ADHD

    Book Online Consultation Now

    Rs. 4,000.00/30min*

Let’s talk

We cover all the Psychological related therapies and have trained therapists for every one of them. Just search for your need below and start now!

Let us choose Therapist for you!
lets talk

Similar blogs

  • The Importance of Supporting Mothers

    29 Jul 2022

    The role of a mother is not easy. It is the most challenging part of t...Continue reading

    single blog image

    Payal Chahal

    ( Parenting )

  • Bedwetting (Nocturnal Enuresis) Problem in Kids - How to Stop Bedwetting

    29 Jul 2022

    Does your child wet the bed especially when it is night? Has your chil...Continue reading

    single blog image

    Shruti Poladi

    ( Child Behaviour )

  • Struggles of a Psychologist - Questions Asked to a Psychologists

    29 Jul 2022

    Ever wondered what the struggles of a psychologist are? What does a ps...Continue reading

    single blog image

    Neha Mehta

    ( Psychotherapy )