It happens and it really stinks. You’ve been married for years and suddenly you find yourself attracted to somebody else. Maybe he or she works in your office; maybe you even met them in market. A long conversation turned into a test-flirt that got rewarded and then the touch of a hand and pretty soon you’re talking about how to navigate some pretty serious deception. Maybe you never thought it would go this far or you planned on stopping it before it reached this point but … you didn’t and now you’re cheating on your spouse. Feelings begin to take hold based on a host of reasons, and some of them are purely biological. Some feelings are as light as the common cold, some as serious as a fatal disease. The problem is, the longer you follow the feeling the more the brain becomes awash with an “insane” logic that seems to make sense. Many feel like their brain has been awakened and their spirit revived, yet while bearing the tsunamis of guilt and shame.
Developing attraction or romantic feelings for someone other than your spouse happens in almost every relationship. Hopefully it’s rare, but it’s normal. Pursuing those feelings, however is harmful and incredibly destructive to people you care about. The irony is that while trying to bring love to that new person, you actually bring them harm. The pursuit involves hiding, manipulation, and lying; the very things you will later despise in yourself and distrust in the other.
If you have children, you’re not present because you’re spending every possible moment with the affair partner or obsessing about the next time you can. And then there is the 5 to 6 years of living hell you go through after you’re found out, even if you don’t get divorced. You may not have gotten into it on purpose but that is how you get out of it; on purpose.
When we begin to develop feelings for somebody else, it’s a great indicator some serious attention needs to be paid to our marriage. If you’ve not acted on anything, shut the inappropriate relationship down and be intentional about finding the spark in your marriage again. If this sounds extreme, imagine your spouse’s response if they knew what was going on.
These are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs Your wedding vows talk about a lifetime together, a life of unwavering loyalty, one of getting old together, through good and bad times. But as years pass by, that spurt of love turns into monotony. This is when you discover the glitches in your 'happily ever after'. And then enters the one we call an extra marital affair. Most of the times, he is the one who is also married. You both enter in it for fun and presume that you both can handle this relationship without disturbing your married lives. This special one makes you feel the soul connect with great sex, compassion and understanding that seemed to have gone missing from your marriage. Life suddenly becomes perfect again. The one thing that people entering extra marital affairs underestimate the most is their emotions. And this changes the dynamics of the affair faster than they know. Sexual emotions are the strongest human emotions there can be and they can make you vulnerable to a degree that you can't fathom at the beginning.
It is sometimes even called the affair of the heart. While the two don't engage in a physical relationship, they are deep entwined in each other's minds. They are constantly flirting, exchanging messages, thinking about each other pretty much all the time. There is no sex but that doesn't mean there is no sexual tension between the two. The two share every single intimate detail and are so much into each other that it drains the energy from their primary relationship. They reach out to each other because they feel the constant need to stay connected.
Such affairs happen often because of resentment towards the current partner. This affair materializes because the partner wants to get even with his/her spouse. They could have discovered an illicit relationship or are deranged by their partner's indifference. When such partners engage in extra-marital affairs, they want to feel empowered and they unknowingly seek healing in such illicit affairs. They want to feel wanted by someone, without undergoing the intense pressure of dealing with his/her own disturbed relationship. This relationship falls out faster than the two realize. Couples are so busy in their respective lives that they barely find time to work on the marriage and that's how resentment creeps in. No one wants to work on the issues, they start blaming the partner. This is when they start looking for love and acceptance outside."
Human are capable of creating illusions they desire. This perfectly describes imaginary affairs. A colleague or a gym buddy probably likes spending time with you, but you secretly convince yourself that you two are a thing and he will leave his partner to be with you. This commitment is only one-sided and is a perfect mix for disaster.
This affair is the most fatal of all. It is almost like a real relationship. The two have sex, have emotional dependence and feel complete in each other's company. They see each other as soul mates. This kind of affair is capable of wrecking marriages, simply because the relationships feel so right!"There are a very small percentage of body and soul affairs. It's more spiritual than physical and emotional. They feel the need to constantly feel each other and separation pains them immensely. This is the kind of affair that leads to divorces and remarriages. "
If you’re already having an affair, you probably feel terrible but are having trouble stopping and have no idea what to do. We know this is extremely painful and want you to know some things you can do:
In case of help, our psychologist relationship counselor is just a click away, My Fit Brain is the real help.
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