Parenting being one of the most rewarding, satisfying and gratifying experience can sometimes be equally frustrating and challenging. There may not be a single correct method of parenting but a few strategies that we may think are "normal" may have an everlasting effect on the child (good or bad). Usually, with the first child parents may use the trial and error method or the strategies that have been applied by their parents, either of which may not be correct. Why don't we take a look at some of the myths about parenting?
"My child should be my best friend."
"My world revolves around my child."
"I must fulfill all the desires of my child."
"I must always protect my child from the unpleasant scenarios."
"I must never make a mistake."
"If I make a mistake, I must never admit them in front of my children."
"My child should be the best at everything he does."
"I should be the world's best parent."
One may not realise, but sometimes these myths are hardcore reality of our society. It is because of these, challenges with parenting seem to appear. Some of them are:
* Not Studying
* Making innumerable demands
* Becoming angry and aggressive
* Board examination Stress
It is important for parents to identify their feelings and communicate the same to their children. One of the effective ways could be the "I" message. Wondering how to do that? Here's how:
"I feel frustrated that I have to clean your room over and over again."
"I feel anxious when you don't inform me about coming home late.
"I feel annoyed when you spend too much time on the phone."
"I feel happy when you spend time with me."
"I feel satisfied with your school performance this year."
To conclude, some of the key points to remember while parenting are:
* Parenting involves creativity and imagination.
* It most importantly requires a sound marital relationship.
* It involves both joys and sorrows.
* Communication plays are very important role.
Let’s take a look at some of the challenges faced by parents and how they can handle them:
Challenge 1: Not Studying
How To Handle: Parents must try to understand as to what the actual problem is. Sometimes some children may be slow learners or have some learning disabilities which need to be assessed and proper educational remedies/intervention must be taken. There are times when it is simply difficult. In such a case new methods should be tried to make the lesson/ topic more interesting. At the same time children must be made to understand that everything in life may not be interesting and that they must come to terms with that. With the increase in technology it comes quite handy to most. In case the child is distracted, parents must make sure that the external distractions are taken away. Well, this does not mean that his/her television or games time is taken away. It just means that the parents should make sure that he/she is studying in a quiet environment where he/she can completely concentrate on his/her studies. Parents tend to look at the quantity of time that the child is studying. What needs to be looked at, is the productive outcome that comes out of his/her study time. So quality instead of quantity. This does not only help him/her become effective but also efficient. Another important point to remember is to link the studies to his/her goal so that it becomes more meaningful to them. Lastly, reward the child for appropriate study behaviour and let them take the consequences when it is inappropriate.
Challenge 2: Making Demands
How To Handle: Parents must try to make the child understand the difference between making demands and polite requests. They need to be made to understand that some of their requests will be fulfilled and some may not. Another important thing is the tone. Children should be taught that their tone while making these requests should be polite. This is only possible if the parents talk to their children in the same way. This is because children tend to imitate the behaviour that they see their parents demonstrating on them. They should be made to understand that “it is ok to say no”. Help the child in discriminating between needs and wants. Explain to your child as to why a certain request was not fulfilled. Most importantly, never use physical force as a response to your child’s requests. They might tend to become physically demanding later in life.
Challenge 3: Becoming Angry And Aggressive
How To Handle: When the child is angry, do not yell. Their mind is as it is not functioning enough to reason anything that you do. Help them identify the reason for their anger. The most important step is acknowledging it. Sometimes, children want to be left alone. It is very important to give them space to calm down. Parents can assure the children that they would be available to talk, whenever they are ready to open up about it. This must not be said for the sake for saying it. The child when talking must feel that they are being listened to. Setting a good example is very important, meaning, how parents handle their anger also teaches the children a lot.
Challenge 4: Board Examination Stress
How To Handle: Parents must sit with their child and prepare a timetable. This timetable will not just be for studying but the time will be divided for some leisure activities as well. Proper breaks between studying is important. Parents must try not to pass on their anxiety to their children. They should avoid using terms like, “you should top”, “you should do very well”. Rather try and sit with your child to solve their problems. Make sure they eat and sleep well.
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