9 Tips to become a Perfect Mother & Problems faced by Single Mothers

Anujaa Navaratnaa
Parenting

11 Jan 2021
Problem Faced By Single Mothers | Parenting Tips

The child-parent relationship is a unique bond that every child and his parents enjoy and nurture. It has a major influence on most aspects of the child’s development, his personality, life choices, and overall behaviour. If you don’t have a good relationship with your child, he or she is not going to listen to you. Think about ways to connect to your kid. If you build a good bond with them, you tend to trust them more, listen to their opinions, and agree with them on needs.

Let’s take a look at it considering two different situations: 

first in the case of a Nuclear Family, in which the mother takes care of the responsibilities and is looking forward to becoming the perfect mother and then, from a Single mother’s perspective. 

 

9 Tips To Be A Perfect Mother

Here are some tips to be a perfect mother, designed by expert psychologists.

A mother talking to her beautiful daughter outside the home.

Boosting Your Child's Immunity System:

Kids start developing their image when they see themselves through their parent’s eyes. Your tone of voice, body language, every expression are absorbed by kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem. Choose your words carefully, let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you will love and support them in all situations.

Set limits and lie Consistent With Your Discipline:

Discipline is necessary for every household. The goal of this is to let the kids understand acceptable behaviours and learn self-control, understand your expectations and become responsible adults.

Spend time with your kids:

It is often difficult for parents and kids to get together for family quality time. But there is probably nothing kids would like more; so spend some quality time with your kids, eat meals together, or create a special day-out with your kids on weekends. Attending concerts, games, and other events with kids help them to strengthen their relationship with you & builds trust.

Be a Good Role Model:

Kids learn by watching their parents. Showing appropriate, respectful, good behaviour works much more than telling them what to do; show your child how easy it is to care for the environment, waste less, reuse and conserve each day. This is the best way to make them learn, in every field.

Recommended read: Parenting and it's Challenges

Get help If it is not Working:

If you find yourself in regular conflict with your parenting style, you might consider going to a family therapist with your husband. Improving your parenting style takes a lot of effort and focus but creates a positive impact on your child.  It will help you a lot & is worth it, in the long run.

Mothers tend to find them generally in a more nurturing role. There is always an emotional connection between a mother and child which needs to be focused; So encourage your children and make them feel secure, help them to cope up with the real world.

Recommended read: How much do I understand my child in real?

Create your life with your child: 

At every stage in life, your child needs you in some way, so always be available for them at any time. As the child gets older, their needs and responsibilities grow, so they have to prepare for everything. Some people think that it is not right for the parents to interfere in everything, but it is also important that the parents should come first before their friends, interests, or other activities. 

Accept that you are a mother for life:

Once you become a mother; you need to adapt to it for a lifetime. I mean to say that the responsibility of a mother does not end after the child grows rather increases, with every passing year.

Give Attention to your children’s feedback:

Whenever your children talk to you, listen to their words carefully instead of ignoring them. If you do not understand the point or if you do not agree with them, then give attention, because parenting always demands it. If they are saying something wrong, then explain it to them, so that they do not feel ignored. If you carefully listen to them, it increases their confidence and improves your bond as well.

Do not take their abuse seriously:

If your children ever abuse or misbehave with you, then this behaviour should not be taken seriously because it does not always happen. Sometimes if your child is angry or something is bothering him/her, they tend to behave in the wrong way. 

But, if it happens frequently, then their behaviour must be taken seriously. So as we discussed above how to become a perfect mother from a nuclear family perspective, let’s dive into our next perspective; how to be a perfect mother if you’re single.

Let’s have a look at how single mothers are taking care of children:

 

In India,  it is believed God is present on this earth as our Mother; from understanding our untold story to become part of the latent and unknown sensations, she supports us every time no matter what the problem is.

However, in some cases even after experiencing many ups and downs in life, they might feel frustrated for a while but firmly stand strong for their children.

Single Parents and their children can also flourish and there are plenty of examples to prove it. Like one of my friends lost her father at a young age but even after that, she became successful with the support and immense love of her mother. Single motherhood comes with a unique set of emotional challenges that feel overwhelming sometimes.

She always tries to provide the best for her kids. Besides, being a Single Mother is not an easy task, it is one of the toughest jobs. It requires lots of work, dedication, a strong sense of determination & confidence, and most crucially love. Single mothers have to face a set of difficult problems for which nobody is ever prepared, yet they manage to do impressive things just by following their heart and intuition. 

According to Psychologists being a single mother is twice the stress and the tears but on another hand, it’s also twice the hugs, twice the love, and twice the pride, as she has to fulfil the jobs of two or more people and has to do twice more work. Single mothers have no one to share the burden of stressful moments.

In July 2015, the Supreme Court of India stipulated that in its historic decision, the unmarried mother of her child is the natural guardian of her child

It is a great concern for every mother to make sure that her child is safe and happy. There are not many differences between a single mom or any other mom except for the fact that single moms share the heavy responsibility of knowing that their child relies 100% on them.

Recommended read: How To Manage Your Stress?

Problems faced by A Single Mother:

a widow mother taking care of her son without taking any help from others of her own,

According to Anujaa Navaratnaa, a single mother has to face more difficulties as compared to a single father. A mother cannot afford to be selfish when she knows that her child is depending entirely on her. 

Although being a single mother can be extremely rewarding, nobody can neglect that it is one of the most stressful positions that an individual ever faces. Here are some common problems faced by a Single Mother:

Financial Problems:

Single mother families often face lots of stress due to financial issues. She has to pay for all expenses for running the house, raising the children, and educational expenses all alone. Kids of single mothers often complain that they don’t get all the extras that their friends get. They might also feel ashamed or abandoned. Financial problems are perhaps one of the biggest challenges faced by a single mother.

Recommended read: Stress Due To Financially Instability?

Juggling between Work & Family:

 Single parents have a hard time trying to juggle their professional and personal life. They have to fulfil the responsibilities of both parents. They must do house chores, help children with assignments and spend quality time with them. 

Also, single parents might have to work long hours to earn enough which further reduces the time available to interact with their children. Due to this, single parents also overreact to little things making kids feel miserable.

Hard to Find Reliable Babysitters:

No matter whom you trust, mothers are always worried about their child’s safety and well being. She is in constant mental distress about whether her child has eaten properly or not. They always wonder if the person babysitting their child will take proper care of them. After all, it is always hard to find someone dedicated, who will take care of your child.

Unwanted Proposals of Marriage & Indecisive State of Mind:

You heard it right, single mothers keep getting proposals to get married. However, they are always confused about whether they should accept the proposal or not. The thing that always keeps them on the edge is finding a trustworthy life partner. They are not sure if the person who wants to marry them will take care of their child or not.

Less Quality Time to Spend with their Children

A parent needs to spend quality time with their child as it is a crucial factor in the upbringing. However, they keep struggling to find quality time to spend with their child. The unavailability of time keeps the single mom worried if her child will become a confident individual or not? Will the child be able to face challenges in the real world? Similarly, Single they always feel guilty for not giving enough time to their child.

Filling of Legal Documents:

Many legal documents in India require the name of the child’s father. It is typically difficult for a single mother, who needs to come up with all sorts of excuses to get the documents submitted.

Judged by Society:

A single mother is judged quickly by our society which is the most difficult part of a woman’s life who is parenting her child alone. Our society judges them without even trying to figure out how she got stuck in such a situation. 

Especially in the case of unmarried single mothers, people start judging their character which makes their morale and self-esteem low, also she can get stuck into depression, which may lead to suicidal thoughts.

Single mom Dating Problems:

If you are a single mother, don’t think of ending your romantic life. Although for a single mother it becomes difficult to date someone; but it’s a good thing to get settled with someone who understands the real-life situation.

Some of such questions that are asked from any single mother about her love life and the questions that arise in her mind:

  • Will anyone Date a woman who is a mother of 1 or 2 children?
  • Will I be able to make the time for my new relationship with children?
  • When and How should I introduce my children to my new partner?
  • What will happen if my children do not like my new relationship or my new partner?

Parenting Tips for Single Mother

  • Always remember that you are doing a fantastic job. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • Find some way to relieve your stress. Go swimming, bake bread,  sing, paint a wall, yell at a chair, clear out a cupboard or talk to someone you trust.
  • Maintain your boundaries and house rules. Be consistent, set rules, and stick to them. Choose your battle wisely.
  • Be honest and apologies when you get it wrong. Children learn by our example, by our actions rather than our words.
  • Don’t make your children feel guilty about anything related to parenting and don’t criticize other parents in front of your children.
  • Recognize your needs, consider them important and find ways to fulfil them. Don't be afraid to admit your feelings, especially when you are feeling low.
  • Trying something new like losing weight. Having a new hairstyle can work wonders for your self-confidence (and take off you).
  • Don’t blame yourself or spoil your child to make up for being a single parent.
  • Always praise yourself and your child. Give them unconditional love and support. Set time each day to play, read or simply sit with your child.
  • Stay positive! It is completely okay, to be honest with your child, if you have a difficult time, tell them but also remind them that things will get better. Give your child an age-appropriate level of responsibility.
  • Maintain a daily routine; try to schedule meals, chores, bedtime, and other family activities at regular hours so that your child knows exactly what to expect each day.

Conclusion:

I hope you liked this article and in case, you need any help, you can contact us any time. If you think you are not a Perfect mother then don’t worry, just make sure you are applying all the above tips.

Feel free to get connected with the best Psychologist in India online as well as offline by visiting our clinic. Log in to www.myfitbrain.in or call us on 9050232637.   

 

 

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