How much do I understand my child in real?

Sejal Davey
Parenting

28 Nov 2020
Understanding Your Child

It was PTM, Parents teachers meet at the at the school where I work as school counselor. It was Saturday morning around 10.00 AM. I had expected to meet many parents with different varieties of complaints about their children. Few coming to by themselves and few sent forcefully by the teachers and coordinators.  It was going to be good busy day for me I was thinking in my cabin. And there came my first parent of the meet. Student followed by father and then came the mother. The student was of grade 7th. Almost 12 years old, a young boy, I could rather say 12 years old, an adolescent.

The parents took the seat and boy was standing.  Hand folded and facing the floor. I have met him earlier also . Two to three times.  He is very quiet and shy type of guy.  But the purpose of my meeting was that the had issues with his quietness and his involvement in class. When he had come to me he had told me few things what had made him change so much. So I remembered our meetings and his revelations about himself.  I  came back to present time where his parents were there in front of me.  So I started my conversation with them. Mother straight away started with book of complaints.  The list was like he is not saying anything.  He's only quite always. He has also stopped playing.  He hardly interacts with them at home. Even his teachers have same complaints about him. He is not participating in any activities in class.  He wasn't like this earlier. Now he has changed completely.  He was very joyful child 2 years ago.  No complaints from school or from family.  

Now I started with my questions. What had happened two years ago?  Why did he change?  Was he forced for anything which he didn't want to do ? As a parent what all she knows about him? When was the last time she had time for him to sit and ask about his life? Who was comparing him with his friends ? Why was he slapped in front of his relatives in the house? Mother's face turned pale. She was speechless wondering how did I know all these. His father was staring at his wife.  He was always speechless and more of like confused.

I gave them sometime to come back to their senses. Then I started talking to them.  I told them I have already met their son thrice before this meeting.  He's very good boy. Something has happened to him which is the reason behind his changed behavior.  From the earlier asked questions to you, for how many of them you have answers?  I asked the mother.  She still couldn't get answers for almost any of the questions.  Continuing with my talk I told them something unexpected had happened to him in one your family function where he was given something which was not expected and he was not responsible for getting it either. Both parents looking into each other's faces and trying to recollect about the incident. In sometime mother realized what was it about and she laughed.  She started explaining that it was because of confusion and so old matter and why was he still thinking about it.  She directly asked her son what childlike behavior is this. Why is he still dragging the same incident and behaving like this? The boy was quite and mother was shouting to his father. She was counting on things they did for him after that incident but he is still carrying it and making them ashamed in front of others as if they are bad parents.  I was thinking what a melodrama in my room.

After a while she realized where she was and she became quite finally.  Then I actually started with my talking skills to make them empathize with their son.

I told them that incident has badly hurt him especially because he didn't expect you to react to him in front of others.  You forgot and moved on but he couldn't and that had led him to change completely.  It affected him so much that it started showing out even in school. After 2 years he is still having it inside him because you never approached him and spoke about it. He was expecting you to talk to him. He only believed you both but when on his most expected time you both only blamed him he was broken and couldn't hold himself and you can see the effects.  Instead of waiting for things to become worst why didn't you talk to him initially about what has happened to him.  Did you show your love and care to him? You only enquired him or shouted out at him by blaming him for all this. So here is the result. He has lost hope on himself.  He has lost hope on you both as parents who will be there for him anytime.  Instead of finding solution outside you should have found inside him. Instead of complaining about his changed behavior you should have asked him with love, care and affection.  

Don't always blame children.

Sometimes shoulder your own mistakes too.

Think many times about the changes in your child.

Have empathy with your child .

Trust your child more than others, because they trust you more too.

If you accept your mistakes your child will also learn to so the same.

Always children are not wrong.

Don't give them reason to change. Give them shoulder to share their emotions.

My Fit Brain has the team of child counselors which helps parents to understand their child.

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    Sejal Davey

    Special Educator, Child Psychologist

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    Location: N/A

    Language: English, Hindi, Tamil, Gujrati, Tamil

    Area Of Expertise: Child Counseling, Parenting, Self Improvement, Work Stress, Job Stress, Decision Making, Career Counselling, Adolescent Counselling, TeenAge Problems, School Counsellings, Child Education, Mobile Addiction, Motivation, Addiction, Internet Addiction, Over Thinking

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