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What Is Benching In Dating? What To Do If You're In One

Having no emotional bonding or commitment with your partner is also benching. Here you will know what is benching in dating.

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what is benching in dating

Ever thought of being a backup plan for someone? How would it feel if you were a backup for anyone, where they neither leave up nor let you completely enter? This is what has been a new recent trend in today's dating era where people are being used as back-up and this is what is benching in dating. We will be elaborating this concept more clearly.

In this article, we will be talking about benching in relationships, what the new concept is all about, what are the signs that you are in a benching relationship, and what you must do if you are in one. You must understand that it is not a good dating trend and can cause you emotional harm.

What is Benching In Dating?

So, what is benching in dating? Do you know the concept of an extra player who is kept not on the field but is reserved just in case the main players are unable to continue the game? Benching is similar to this, while a person is already seeing someone or in a relationship with someone else they keep you on a bench or as a backup plan just in case things do not go well with them.

It is also known as breadcrumbing in relationships. They are romantically involved with you while having little conversations about things and at times casual sex but there is no commitment or guarantee that you will be a part of their life or you are going to be their official date. It also covers situations within it but it is different.

Related reading: what is a situationship

Signs of Benching In Dating 

Now that you understand what is benching in dating, certain signals indicate you are being sidelined, backed up or your partner has a backup person, recognizing which can aid you. These are: 

1. There is Inconsistent Communication

Communication

Do you feel that there is inconsistent communication between you and the other person? Is it more like that you talk and flirt one day and then there is no sign of them the next day? This is one of the signs of benching in dating. The lack of consistent communication is very common in benching.

Communication is the main ingredient in relationships and when there is inconsistent communication a person feels they are not important in your life. This is also one of the reasons why your girlfriend is not talking to you as she feels you are not paying attention to her, further, communication only happens when they wish.

2. You Have No Emotional Commitment

Having no emotional bonding or commitment with your ‘so-called’ partner is also one of the signs of breadcrumbing in relationships or of benching. This case is that your partner ‘is interested' in you but ‘not that interested' in you such that they form emotional bonds or commit in any way. This is what happens in benching relationships.

It is essential to understand and know how to know if a boy loves you, to be sure whether or not the relationship will be established. The concept of emotional bonding and sharing emotional intimacy is not present in benching. You cannot rely on the person for any moral support, neither they share what's in their heart nor are they interested in yours.

3. There Is Sometimes Casual Sex Between You Too

Casual Sex Between You

One of the signs of benching in dating is that things are very casual between you too, just like situationship. There are no labels, no commitment, you are not just friends but you are not more than friends either. At times you also engage in casual sex with them but still, that seems no scope for commitment, continuity or establishment of a relationship.

Do you know what is friends with benefits? This concept as well as the friends engage in sexual relationships but they are not in a relationship. Something similar also happens in benching but here they give a false hope that they might date you, however, it does not happen or they usually don't want to commit till they have options.

4. You Feel It Is Only You In The Relationship

Ever had a feeling of being single despite having a person by your side who claims to be yours? It also happens in benching and is one of the signs of benching in relationships. It is more of a one-sided relationship where you are the one craving to talk, trying to keep up the conversation, or staying in touch.

It is also one of the signs you are in a timepass relationship. The other partner usually does not take any initiative unless they want something from you or they feel that you will be leaving. It is usually you who is trying to check on them, stay in touch and try to keep yourself updated about their life but not them.

5. You Are Uncertain About Their Plans

Uncertainty is among other signs of benching in dating. A relationship offers stability and certainty between the partners. However in benching this is not the case, you are not aware of the other person's plan and are not certain even about their ideas and feelings. You can never tell for sure what they are feeling or thinking.

This is the prominent issue in benching dating as nobody and nothing is sure. You don't know whether you are just a sideline and their life or even if you will get the chance to become a part of their life. Furthermore, you are not aware of what they are planning to do next. So it is equal to being in an unlabelled relationship it is one.

6. There Is No Proper Commitment Between You Two

No Proper Commitment

Yet another sign of benching in relationships is having no proper commitment between you and the other person who you think is your partner. Commitment is very essential in a relationship as it forms the foundation and leads to stability in a relationship. It is more about trust and promising the partner to stay with them.

In benching dating, there is no scope of commitment between two people. Since you're only a side person or a backup, they never commit to you. Whenever you try to talk about commitment they will make an excuse or will try to escape the conversation. This is one of the biggest red flags you can have in a person.

What To Do If You Are In Benching Dating?

Are you able to relate to the signs of dating benching? Do you think you are stuck in such a relationship? If yes, here are some of what you can do to move out of being benched in a relationship.

1. Have Honest And Open Communication

If you don't know what to do if you are in benching dating, then the first step to take is to go for honest and open communication in the relationship. Be upfront about the situation and confront them about what they are doing. Many times couples avoid conversation and this causes a huge mess in the relationship therefore communication is necessary.

Do you know what is an open relationship? It means that everything is open and there is no secrecy between the couples. Have an open conversation with your partner and ask them about whether they are serious about you or not. Be straightforward and put your concerns ahead seeking clear answers for your questions.

2. Make Boundaries And Be Clear About Them

Make Boundaries

Benching is also sometimes referred to as breadcrumbing in relationships. It is essential to create boundaries around yourself for others and make it clear to others. Even if it is your partner you must understand that you are not a backup plan on whom they can come back to according to their liking or convenience.

If you don't want to be a part of benching in dating. You must draw a line about and set terms of how you don't want to be treated. Be clear about your views on commitment, seriousness, time and how you want the relationship to go on and end. Things must be clear leaving no space for uncertainty.

3. Move Out Of The Relationship If The Situation Is The Same

When it comes to what to do if you are in benching dating, a firm step that you must take if there are no changes or progress is to move out of it. Benching in a relationship can leave you heartbroken with no hope of togetherness and feeling undesirable, unwanted, used, worthless and other negative ideas about yourself.

You can try going for relationship counseling, but if there seem to be no changes in your partner, it is preferable that you communicate and back out. Don't wait for things or time to change for the good as if your partner is not serious about you, this will only end up with you hurting. So, it's better to move out at the right time.

4. Don't Blame And Doubt Yourself

Doubt Yourself

Often breadcrumbing in relationship leads you to self-blame, self-doubt, worthlessness, and feeling that you are not good enough for your partner which is why they are drifting away from you and are no longer giving you enough time. This is how you end up being in a benching relationship. Don't blame and doubt yourself.

Even if you decide to move out, there is a possibility that things won't end on good terms so you must not blame yourself. Even if things end on a good note, you should never take the blame on yourself for not being good, especially in cases of benching in dating. You are not the one wrong, so don't let yourself feel guilty.

5. Accept The Situation And Allow Yourself To Heal

Healing is necessary when you end something, don't you allow your wounds to heal? So, why not that be the case with emotional wounds? Another important step in what to do if you are in benching dating is to accept that you are being benched and go through the healing and acceptance process to gather yourself.

Breakups aren't easy to handle, that too when you are putting in the effort, and trying to be the connecting string that keeps you together with each other. Accept that you were benched and process your emotions. You can also go for breakup counseling to heal yourself and let yourself overcome the whole trouble you went through.

Conclusion

Wrapping up the article, now you know what is benching in dating. It is a recent dating trend among the Gen Z generation where a person keeps you as a backup option in case the partner whom they are currently dating leaves them if they already have you. They are casually romantically involved with you and keep you in the secrecy of their relationship.

Benching in dating is not a relationship one wants, it does not guarantee stability, commitment and loyalty. The signs you are being benched are that there is limited interaction, more of a one-sided relationship, no commitment, casual sex with no emotional bonding and many more and hence it is important to move out of dating benching.

People Also Read:

 

Frequently Asked Questions

    1 What does it feel like to be in a benching relationship?


    Benching in dating feels like being in a one-sided relationship, where you are never brought up upfront, and there is no commitment or interaction. You are shown little care and love when the person likes you or when the situation changes. It does not feel good as there is limited interaction and you don't get the feeling of being in a relationship.


    There is surety of commitment in benching dating. Most of the time if things go well with their committed partner there is no chance that they will be giving you commitment. It is only that you are their other option which they are keeping open to return to whenever they like or the situation changes so they keep sticking to you.


    Some of the causes of dating benching are fear of being alone, insecurities in a relationship, fear of being ditched by their partner, trying to be the trending one in the generation, fear of committing, and others. However, none of the reasons can justify the act of keeping a person as a backup in a relationship.


    When you try to know about what is benching in dating, other similar terms are currently in trends like situationship, ghosting, friends with benefits, textationship, sober dating, daterview, casual dating, open-relationship, and many more such words have been used recently to define the relationship.


    There is a lot of harm done to the person who is in dating benching as it affects them mentally and emotionally. The person who is being benched at times invests their emotions in the relationship and it can leave them feeling worthless, blame and doubt themselves. It breaks their confidence and trust in the person.

About Author
Inderjeet Sokhi

Inderjeet Sokhi

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