When to stop marriage counseling, and why?

Neha Mehta
Marriage & Relationship

27 Nov 2020
When to stop marriage counseling, and why?

According to the situation in the life of the hubby and wife, counseling may succeed in patching up differences. Conversely, it might be a divorce decision, but when to stop marriage counseling and who decides?

Marriage therapist or couples counselor, they are known by several names. Just like business partnerships, alliances and mergers do occasionally fail, and marriages collapse. Doesn’t it make huge sense to counsel? The couple even before the marriage vows and the grand celebration party and honeymoon. If those marriage unions that begin as a sea of love do hit the rocks, can they be saved? In many cases, yes, with appropriate, timely therapy. Certain diehard situations may make separation or divorce compulsory with excessive differences. In either case, when to stop marriage counseling is the tricky question!

Consultation is the norm nowadays

In a specialized world, you need counselors all the time. Buy a house, or a car and the agent seems to know every detail. Educational courses more than parents and elders require trained guidance. If you wish to start a business, start with consulting. The online convenience has brought the world closer to us. Something as important as marriage requires sustained support. Conservatives may consider it interference and may hesitate to open up intimate secrets to outsiders. However, attitudes change, and education and the sensational media are gradually changing perceptions and lifestyles.

Couples need guidance and support

In conventional society, the parents and elders in the joint family provided leadership. Don’t you think that the boy and girl in the early twenties require support? How much professional or personal experience do they possess? Financial situations may not be extreme, either. Couples in middle age and even seniors may require the push and pull that a trained counselor provides.

Some common concerns that counselors may be required to deal with:

  • Communication problems
  • Management of the home and family
  • Children and their health and education
  • Money and property issues
  • Professional and academic concerns
  • Substance abuse
  • Sex and emotional life
  • Domestic violence
  • Infidelity
  • Extra-marital affairs
  • Happiness and satisfaction factors

Summing up marital situations at a glance

You could call it an instinct like detectives possess or maybe mere common sense. Marriage counselors don’t need a long time or couple histories to detect the hurdles if any. In some cases that are not so rare, psychiatric disorders result in imagined problems. Amidst the excessive stresses, materialism, competition and overpowering media, hallucinations and depression seem inevitable. Some get away with mild issues, while others suffer terribly. Among the solutions are yogic and meditation exercises to calm the mind and emotions.

Body language and chemistry are revealed in a moment. The presence of emotion is a plus point. Stark silence and unfeeling attitudes indicate that something is seriously long. Need to work separately or together with the counselor and with the kid in some situations. A few questions reveal the situation.

Dissimilar lifestyles

When to stop marriage counselling is a valid reminder that solutions should be coming in real-time without excessive delay. Just like ailments that may sometimes require prolonged treatment and medications, individual cases help decide. Perhaps a few sessions across some months would patch up the problems of communication and lack of understanding in the family. In many families, working parents hardly see each other or the kids in school and college. They meet only at dinner time and during the weekend, if at all. Gradually, they seem to be forgetting their relationships.

Research-based Emotionally Focused Therapy over maybe ten sessions would focus on love and communication. A few reminders from an empathetic counselor would put the family life back on track and work out time tables for closer cooperation. That is a positive ending to the counseling. The counselor, like a family doctor, hovers in the background and could be summoned again conveniently if the need arises.

Is the touch factor present?

While marriage unions concern the inner world of intimacies and deep-felt thoughts and emotions, physical factors dominate too. As long as love and physical relationships are in place, it is a marriage fated to last. Honesty and commitment to family values, culture and children would cement relationships into the golden years.

No wonder such a fuss is made about the robust sex lives that ensure a physical liveliness and action-based lifestyle. It is unfortunate that the sex drive suffers in later years and often results from stress and medications.

Marriage ties that need to end

Though unfortunate, some unions are indeed fated to fail. In such a case, when the revival of feelings and emotions seems impossible, don’t you think it is better to move on? Perhaps it is infidelity and a seemingly more attractive lover? As revealed in hundreds of books and movies, the love of a moment may spell disasters later. The safe path should be preferred. The independence of the new generation may result in unwise choices of partners and soon go downhill.

Absence of trust and caring

Due to complicated reasons, a couple may develop contempt and hatred, play blame games and cheat on each other with money or lovers. We certainly envy those couples that celebrate golden jubilees of marriage! Some unions wind up within a few years and a few within months. Those are exceptional and represent a tiny percentage. Backed up by two families and two sets of parents and the community, why should such an anti-climax happen?

Married life of no sharing of thoughts and emotions with indifference and driven by guilt has probably reached the last stage.

Prolonging such a situation due to financial or legal reasons would only exacerbate the problem further. Violence and mental problems may result, especially if substance abuse is involved. Talking individually to the spouses would confirm what lies in their minds. An amicable separation or divorce conclusion with settlements reached out of court would be the wise policy.

The counselor alone cannot take such a momentous decision. Parents, elders and community leaders could be involved. What happens to the children, and money or property agreements? When to stop marriage counselling is one of several decisions to be made when the crisis has been reached. Face the problem confidently and recognize the harsh truths in time.

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    Neha Mehta

    Consultant Psychologist, Mental Health Professional

    Location: Hisar

    Language: English, Hindi, Punjabi

    Area Of Expertise: Child Counseling, Couple Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Parenting, Self Improvement, Sleep, IQ Testing, ADHD, Career Counselling, Adolescent Counselling, Motivation, Family Counseling

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    Rs. 1000.00/30min

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