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Boy, don't go disheartened. You are doing great. I can see that you are putting efforts, but worried for future results and grades. The more you think about future, you will become anxious and the stress will automatically increase pressure and decrease performance. You will again feel hopeless and this vicious circle continues. Son, if you keep on thinking the way you are now, so much negativity and suicidal tendencies will take you in depression. Secondly, your parents must be comparing you,just to motivate you, take it positively, they are not meant to discourage you anyhow. They live you more than any of your cousin. And yes, your confidence is a massive reply to your friends who bully you. You need to work on it. Rest all, you are doing great. YOu are NOT AT ALL A FAILURE. My advices for you are as follows: 1. Seek professional help, EDUCATIONAL COUNSELLING will help you regain the hope in you. 2. Concentration exercises and session will help you memorize the learned matter. 3. Meditation and living in present habits will enhance your horizons. 4. Moreover, share your problem , with your parents, if not father but at least your mother , she will be your great support. 5. Parental counselling , so that they can help you to pass this crest of negativity. Lastly, I want to tell you , each nd everyone go through this phase in life be it Narender Modi or Albert Einstein.The winner is only one who keeps on moving. All the best!!!