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Hello sir! We are so happy to know the beautiful bond you and your mother had. Your mother was really brave who decided to be in the relationship of marriage and diversify herself in your parenting. I can understand the pain you went after losing the biggest support of your life. As the problems you are feeling are : 1. Feeling of loneliness and depression by loss of mother 2 . History of traumatic childhood ( father- mother tortures) 3. Feeling of she's here with you which ultimately gave you feeling that she's in you 4. No one is understanding the way you feel these days. Dear, you have developed the dissociation in your personality, I know you were feeling happy by wearing clothes of your mom because you feel she's with you but physical preoccupation may be disturbed you. Your life history may be disturbed you this way that you developed split- personality . My advices for you is: 1. Book your appointment for the psychiatrist, he might suggest some Medicines, follow the regimen. 2. Watch you tube videos / documentary illustrating the science behind death and spirits 3. Book appointment with psychologist, they will help to evacuate thoughts and feelings. 4. Individual Therapies will help you to accept the reality. 5. Try to take time for park , yoga and walks. 6. Meditation will work wonders. 7. Accept the reality of death and life , you can read holy books like bhagvat geeta and Ramayana. Take right help!!! Things will go better.