Jan 06, 2018
Q. Hello, I'm 24th years old guy, working in govt bank, basically from a poor family. My father is a farmer and mother is a housewife. Both of my parents are the uneducated but very hard worker. I'm the eldest son in my family; I've one younger brother and one younger sister. I was the topper student of my school; my school teachers supported me always. But, problem is that in my village, people have the individual social mentality. I had many bad experiences from my childhood. I was beaten up many times by land-owners caste because of my caste at my village. Many time they used caste wise name in front of me. My parents always stopped me from fighting back, they always have taught me to keep calm and keep studying. I got my job because of my parent's advice but I have lost my confidence. I feel very nervous all the time, even with my customers in the bank also I feel the same. When my senior suggest me any work in high pitch of his voice I feel scared. I know they all are the nice person, but I want to live without fear. How can I live happy in this society with this unexplained fear inside me I don't know. I've to manage and support my siblings for their studies and career also. So, please help me so that I can overcome my fear.
Hello Dear, be calm!!!
The way you are handling and working to support your siblings and family is really commendable.
Eldest son has to go through big compromises in life where the struggles are more and you are doing it nicely.
I must say " you are brave son of your brave parents"
You have the equal or more quality of hard work as your parents have.
May be financially you are from poor family but the support your parents gave you is worth million.
But the problem you are facing are:
》lost confident at work
》felling nervous and frighten when someone say you thing in high pitch.
I can understand the deep rooted fear you have inside you about your caste( as mentioned) but gone are the day, now class system is more prominent than caste system.
People are more concerned about how much you earn and do rather than what your caste is. Time has changed,you need to change your thinking and feeling of fear too.
》Excessive fear and nervousness is taking you to the problem of Social Anxiety AND YOU need to work on it to maintain a balance in yourself as well as achieving the best for your family.
My advices for you as follows
1. My first advice for you is exactly Same as your parents told you in your childhood,I.e.
Be calm, ignore and keep on moving.
Whatever people say or feel they are thinking about you will not make you what you are.
You are what your skills and degrees are.
Accept what you have and what you are born to do.
2. Give me an answer,if you go to a restraunt , you get good service there , the manager is talking to politely to You,would you bother to ask for his name and caste ?
No, how you can think the same way dealing with your customers.
They are concerned only with service and the behaviour you are showing them.so don't fear.
3. As you said,you get nervous and fearful when in authority propel shouts you for some work, don't you know they are also in stress of completing work and this is very common scenario in every job situation , they are not particularly pin pointing you.
4. Be relaxed,try to give yourself time ,know your positives and rather than clinging on past events for that,you can seek help from counsellor nearby,
CBT therapy ,reality therapy,CDT Therapy will help you to come out.
4. Make new friends, go Out , life is changing every moment, increase social outgoing,making new friends will boost your confidence.
5. Practice self talk in the morning like: I'm doing best,il do best of my work, I'm one of my kind.
6. U remember"what's in the name? " by Shakespeare
Follow it, give your inner self time by doing meditation, and deep breathing exercise,calmness is necessary.
7. For fear issues, try to do aversion therapy,as soon as you feel feared, get up from your chair and go in stairs or main gate ,step up 10 times by counting it .
8. Make support group: talk to your friends in case you need someone to talk to.
You can also have word with your siblings ,ask them their opinion on caste system or they
Are facing it.?
I hope you will get out of it soon,it's not a deal but merely a suspicion in you.
All the best !!! You will achieve happiness !
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