Q. I'm 22 years old male, basically from a middle-class family. I am a student of B.Com final year and am an average student. For last six month my life is not running smooth. It has changed suddenly. I had a girlfriend. I really loved her a lot even still now I love her. But six months before I have caught her in a movie Hall with another one guy. Then I came in front of her in the parking area and found she was behaving differently with me. That boy also abused me, I loosed my temper and slapped and have slapped her as well. Before this incident, I haven't loose my mind like this, but I'm not feeling any guilt by slapping both of them at that time. That day after the fight she has accepted that that boy is her boyfriend and also threaten me by saying that the boy has some political connection so I should keep distance. I loose my mind again as it directly hit on my ego and again mess up with that boy. But I was alone in front of his gang of five boys; so beaten up badly and was hospitalised after a good fight. I couldn't reveal my original incident to my parents; I lied to my parents. But I'm trying to control myself, not able to forget her. Out of my control I have called my ex-girlfriend many times but she gave me a very cold reply. I miss her a lot, I miss her love and care towards me. I want to be happy again in my life but don't know how?? I feel cheated, rejected, lonely. Tried to divert my mind from the thoughts of my ex but I couldn't. I have changed my routine, changed my target, have started preparing for civil services but still not able to concentrate. Her thoughts are coming into my mind again and over again. Help me, please.
Hello dear!! I can understand the pain you are going through. Your love hasn't weakened you mentally even physically too. First of All, I m happy to that you we're loyal in this relationship but tell Me, can you force anyone to love you??? I know it's easy for me to say you the same because I'm not at your place( Bolna Asaan h ) But brother, going after a thing who doesn't belong to you, will only make you weak Sometimes, leaving things to destiny is a better option.
Issues mentioned by you:
1. Not able to forget her( her love and care)
2. Unable to concentrate on work and diversion
3.want to be happy again.
4. Feeling of rejected, lonely and tired.
5. Thoughts of the past.
Let's understand the reality first dear
- You loved her (your wish ) - she cheated you ( her conscious) - you slapped them( reacting extremely, not able to control emotion)- physically beaten ( his boyfriend's response) - she's not replying ( her wish/ guilt) - you still miss her ( because you need time). In this whole process, nothing happened that you can conclude,(you are the wrong person, you don't know how to love someone) So, let your thoughts positive The whole process was response to response. So my suggestion for you is
- Accept what happened: It's common in this age, time will heal everything, I know it won't heal your sore, but give you the power to bear.
- Express: if you feel, you can't share with your parents, share with your sibling, cousin, friends, don't apply the face of I'M OK!!! cry, shout, take help!!!! Or you can write it on paper and flush it ( jab we met types) It sounds stupid but it works.😊
- Don't loose confidence, Self-talk with sentences like I can overcome easily, I have to study first, I have to move on. Either let me tell you an exercise, make a paper and list all positive things about your life, keep on reading them when you feel bad.
- Cut off communication with her, don't text and call her, control by deleting her from everywhere( photos, gifts, cards)don't stalk her on social media, moreover, save your friends no, talk to her.
- Move on ( FORGIVE AND FORGET), try to find a companion, maybe someone better is waiting for you Everything happened for good. Thank you life, for giving you the experience in life and chance to be strong.
- Don't jump to destructive decision: Pls Don't!!! Alcohol, smoking, poisoning, they will not make you strong either make your body weak.
- Keep yourself busy: Join some new hobby, coaching classes and free library, reading novels, morning walk with a friend, Don't exercise and strain yourself more. Understand It's only to keep your busy.
- You can catch up with your friend and fun too, party, get together. moreover, Go and visit your parents, spend time there.
- You can start tuition class to small kids, kids love is so pure ,it works better than time .
- Study issues: I know it's not difficult to concentrate on civil exam now, A. Set a small target. B. Relaxed schedule. C. Frequent breaks And understand, you will take some time to get back to normal concentration,don't judge yourself more,Go with flow.
- In case you need help, you can visit a counsellor and opt for CBT THERAPY.. LASTLY, dance out and sing out and music therapy will help you too. Be strong. Not because I'm saying So, because you need to and U CAN !!! I know you will be better soon!!
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