Jun 02, 2020
Q. My child is 10 years old. He is poor in his studies. He is in a Bengali medium school here in W.B. Me and my husband trying hard to support him in his studies but he is not able to improve. We have a shop of vegetables. We are not that much economically strong like others, still trying hard to give him a better future with education, food and environment. But I came to know from school that he has been caught by headmaster on the ground with cigaret. He has started smoking but how and from where did he learned to do this we are clueless as his father doesn't smoke. We are very upset with this thing. I asked my son about smoking so he lied us by saying that headmaster doesn't like him that's why headmaster has punished him with fault case. I have talked regarding this matter to school so they have advised me to go for counseling help. Please help me what should I do?
Hello dear!! I can understand the phase you are going through, every parent gives their best and wishes for a better future for their kids.
I empathise that after getting complaints from school authorities, life of you both got upside turn.
Don't worry, they advised you appropriately to visit the counsellor. It will help your kid to get out of vicious habit soon.
Present problems mentioned:
1. Caught of taking cigarette on school premises.
2. Denying the fact by saying headmaster is against him.
3. Putting less efforts in studies despite knowing parents economic conditions.
Probable causes may be :
1. The pressure of working hard: sometimes kids don't express but the pressure of working hard and achieving better in life make them stress and make it follow bad habits like smoking
2. Bad company: kids use the substance as fun and try element.
Bad company of school mates provoke it.
3. Break up stress: break up is not merely by girlfriend, it can be with a best friend or school mates, ignorance and bullying by school mates.
4. Genuinely, he wasn't doing it but someone puts blame on him incidentally he gets caught.
The reason can be any of these. So suitable advice for you as follow:
1. Don't lose hope: He's small enough to understand right and wrong so early, your guidance will be a great benefit. Give him time, sit with him, ( don't pressurize) ask him the truth.
Know the exact reason and guide him accordingly.
2. Rule out fear: if you feel he's in fear of some seniors or in stress, discuss properly take suitable help like visiting school counsellor or child guidance clinic accordingly.
You know your kid better.
3. If he becomes obsessive that he hasn't and going violent, better visit a child counsellor nearby and schedule an appointment, they work professionally and experienced to rule out reason and guide.
4. Take a proper check at his school routine, school bag, clothes of having lighter or cigarette packets.
Room and drawers are also on the list.
5. A better guide to the truth will also be his friends, talk to them, their information might help you in clearing the scenario of blaming or exactly doing.
6. Father talk: man to man talk bring results, women are emotional sometimes, let his father talk, he's really small to have a smoke.
Tell him the effects and consequences in reality touch.
7. Work on school environment also, if it's case of bullying, blaming or anything else, changing school is not a bad option.
8. Give more care and attention.
Help him in studies, stressing him to study by giving a list of responsibilities in future is sometimes okay, but not be a must dose.
I hope this advice will help!!
All the best to kid!
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