Q. Hello I'm 34 years old married for last 12 years. We stay far from my in-laws house. My husband is not a good man he use to torture me alot mentally as well as physically. He bits me alot in normal issues. He use abusive language while torturing on me. I'm unable to bear the pain but only for my children am staying here with this man. I don't know what to do? How to bear the pain more? Should I give him divorce? Or is there anything by which I can make him normal as he became excessive aggressive and violent easily on normal issues. Please do help me.
You are really brave who's the managing the parenting despite such massive ups and downs. Individually, you are a victim of Domestic Violence. I know it is difficult to raise the issues and demanding divorce as things will create social pressures but if the reason is only your kid then, pls don't. The kid who's parents are living together yet seeing so much disturbance and violence, how can the kid will be mentally stable and confident. By staying in this relationship, if you are giving him the name of the father , yet you are giving her such traumatic childhood and hatred towards this attitude of her father, as a result, maybe she/he will never again trust in a relationship in his/ her future.
As the problems you mentioned are as follows:
1. Abusive and violent behaviour at home.
2.physical pain and mental trauma.
3 fear of getting divorce related to the future of kids.
4.getting tortured by husband's bad words.
Dear, moving on is not that difficult, bravery without an intelligent decision is zero. My piece of advice would be :
1. Discuss the same with your in-laws and maternal family.. follow what they say either you can tell your in-laws to stay with you.
2. Don't bear the pain! File divorce petition and domestic violence case.. Don't FEAR, go for it.
3. If you love him and that s y not leaving him, take him to the psychologist nearby. Assess his behaviour and sessions are required to overcome his anger and action duration.
4. Explain the same to your kids and ask for their advice, they know you better. See what they say "they want to be with father or move". Explain them the procedure and make them strong.
5. Try to move out by going for some meditation and individual psychotherapy.
6. If you want to save relationship, you can also switch for couple therapy. Always remember love yourself first, if you yourself don't,nobody will. All the best!!
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