Disturbed From In laws Interference? | Marriage & Relationship Counselling

A marriage is not just a tie between two people who love each other. It also marks the advent of another new relationship, the one is with in-laws. In-law interference can be extremely damaging to a couple and if not dealt properly, it can lead to families being torn apart. Your in-laws are a group of people who have a uniquely personal and intimate relationship with your spouse which existed long before your involvement with him or her.

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Disturbed From In laws Interference? | Marriage & Relationship Counselling

Interference of the in-laws can be extremely harmful to a couple and it can cause many problems and the rift in families if it is not dealt properly. Your in-laws are a group of people who have a uniquely personal and intimate relationship with your spouse who was present long before you joined.

Marriage is not simply a bond between two people who love each other but it is also the arrival of another new relationship with your in-laws. It is often said that once you get married, you are also marrying your partner's family. It can be harder for some but it is unavoidable to interact with your spouse's family and develop some sort of relationship with them.

In-laws can be considered a group of people who act as a restriction of many marriages but it is not an exact definition. Divorce lawyers around the world have cremated countless bodies due to in-laws' interference. Some people use humor to cope and jokes mostly aimed at the mother-in-law and some humor can provide relief, reducing the seriousness of the in-laws' role in the breakdown of relationships. Interference in the law can be extremely harmful to a couple and if not dealt with properly, it can cause a rift in families.

However, some partners find it very difficult to leave the influence of their own families, especially their mothers, and this can cause some stress in the marriage.  It is not easy for a son to be tied to his mother's apron strings long after marriage because it can easily become a source of trouble for his wife.

Let's talk about things you can do to limit your in-law's interference in your married life.

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Few Points to You Help You Manage Your In-Laws

  1. Draw strong boundaries and make sure your in-laws know that boundaries are not there to close them.
  2. Your first allegiance should be to the person to whom you are married, and the family you or he formed and don't have divided loyalties.
  3. The husband needs to step in If the wife has a problem with her mother-in-law. The person with the primary relationship should help resolve the differences.
  4. Try to solve the problems without involving parents because couples talk to their families about the debate only. This gives them a license and permission to intervene and they view their relationship with a skewed view.
  5. Gently tell your in-laws, that their concern and care are appreciated, but they do not play a decision-making role in your personal life.

If you talk to your spouse about your feelings, then this has a great benefit. They are the reason for forming your relationship with your in-laws and it can be very useful in two ways if you discuss ways of coping with that relationship.

Firstly it provides the best ways to handle the in-laws and also helps to separate your own relationship from your in-laws. Many couples in this current period do jobs or business then they need parents to help with child care and also in finance care. Complaints come from those couples who fear their in-laws and are involved in their every major decision such as how much money they should spend and decision discipline their children.

Therefore, it is advisable to create strong boundaries if you want to maintain your independence as a couple. If your married life has been affected by in-laws' intervention, you should keep in mind that they want to love and affection. And also the parents should treat their children with affection and love.

According to a newly released study, men who remain in good positions with the parents of their wives enjoy a longer-lasting marriage instead of those who struggle with their in-laws. Nevertheless, researchers found that a wife's relationship with her husband's parents remains slightly more complex and thus they get less overall marital happiness.

How do in-laws become an issue in marriage?

First of all, some parents interfere in your private issues that harass your spouse because he or she believes that these issues should be talked about and decided only by you and your spouse.

Secondly, your spouse is hearted when you do nothing to stop your parents' interfere or every time you favor your parents. And this betrayal is one of the biggest crimes that will generate anger and separate you and your husband from each other.

What to do with an intrusive in-law problem?

Firstly, every spouse should come to an agreement if there is any problem because sometimes your spouse doesn't see the interfering behavior of their parent as a problem. If your spouse feels uncomfortable with the in-law's interference in the marriage, then you should make some changes or compromise to make the necessary changes.

The next step to resolve the issues of in-law's interference is to set the boundaries with the agreement of both the spouse. These boundaries mean the limits that have been set to allow both the spouse in relation to their in-laws.

Let us discuss some examples of in-law boundaries.

  1. You should set informational boundaries that mean what information should be shared with in-laws and what should be kept private. 
  2. You should also set a time limit so that both know how much time should be spent with the in-laws and how much time they should have with the spouse. 
  3. You should also set decision-making boundaries so that both the spouse understands that in which matter they should firstly consult with their in-laws and in which matter they shouldn't first consult.

The next step is that you should also discuss the boundaries with your in-laws' that you have set with the agreement of your spouse and this can be discussed when problems arise.

After setting the boundaries and discussing them with your partner you should now keep to them. If any of the spouses don't keep them then it is a violation of your spouse's trust. Then you should sit again and discuss the issues with your partner and clarify what should be done. This is necessary if you want your spouse to believe you, then by keeping your words, your spouse will trust you safely.

If your in-laws are not ready to receive counseling or they refuse to honor your wishes, then you should restrict your in-laws to access to your family to stop these specific violations. 

Final Words:

Finally, I can say that nowadays the spouse doesn't want more interference in their personal issues. And if then the parents interfere in their personal issues then it causes conflicts in the family. If you interfere less in their personal issues then this changes the relationship between you and your son or daughter-in-law and creates a good environment in the family.

And the parents should also keep the boundaries that have been set by their son and their daughter-in-law so that the issues can be resolved.

About Author
Anujaa Navaratnaa

Anujaa Navaratnaa

Counseling Psychologist Mumbai, India
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