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SHALL I CHANGE MYSELF AFTER MARRIAGE ?

Every new relation, whether it’s of husband-wife or friendship welcomes expectations. Once we get into a relation we want the partner to think and behave like us (Changes after Marriage).

  • Is it necessary to change myself in relationship of Love/Marriage?
  • Can’t I keep my values and thinking alive?
  • Why I need to change myself and follow those narrow minded cultures?
  • Why can’t I do the job I like and maintain a strong relation too?

These are some questions every partner thinks and struggles for answers. In this blog we will talk about the ways by which you combact the force of changing yourself.

  • “GIVE ME TIME”

Is it always important that a couple needs to go together on vacation and outings can’t be done individually? Some people like hill stations as their destinations rather some are inclined towards beaches. Some feels party as another name to outings. While some want a peaceful ambience on vacation. Giving partner sometime alone in a month to enjoy the life the way they wanted. “Interest can’t be forced.”

  • “BECAUSE I SAY SO!”

Indian males usually have the personality of “Because I say so” or “Because I know” or “It’s my family”. They never understand that a new personality (BRIDE) entering his house has her own image. You can’t force anybody to behave and think the way you want. It’s not the human right that your partner after marriage (relationship) should follow your thinking.

Mrs. Gosai, a banker by profession feels partner should always give time an appreciate other’s point of view, to make marriage work well. She adds “YES” a partner can change herself/himself own her own willingness.

  • TWO PILLARS AS ‘WE’!

Every person has his own interest, ideas, experience and thoughts. Partners can have similar hobbies, but you shouldn’t let another person change according to you. Both partners are “TWO PILLARS” to a room. They both can be designed differently/painted differently. It’s only matter how strongly they hold the roof of Mansion. Changes after Marriage

  • MENTAL STRESS ISSUES

Yes! You can tell each other what they can improve or choices to handle the work but burdening them to follow the way you do leads to mental stress leading to depression. For example: Every father wants his son to take over his business but if he want his personal interest to be his career option, it is advisable not to force the kids to choose his career option.

  • “START TRUSTING & BUILD UNDERSTANDING”

Veena , married for 5 years consulted as online at www.myfitbrain.in with emotional disturbance as her husband don’t want her to join ladies kitty. According to her he always restrict her to make friends, join any hobby classes, because he thinks a lady after marriage should be restricted to her house and her works (Changes after Marriage). As a result she feels suffocated and complaints of “LOSSING THE INNER HER”.

Trust is the most important cricitrea to make relationship breathe. Stressing someone to follow old cultural superstation to stay at home, only feed kids are unhealthy leading to murder of the self esteem.

DR. NEHA MEHTA Psychologist at MY FIT BRAIN advices it is even bad for accepting everything what your partners say. Let your inner self speak, judge the situation. Both the partners should sit talk discuss and understand. What can be best done to maintain both integrity of family and relationship.

  • “EGO CLASHES”

Many relationships get disturbed because of ego between partners. Freedom is not only restricted to go out but to express what they feel. For Example:  If a partner wishes to eat “DAL” in dinner and another doesn’t the lady can cook the food she wants to. It’s not the matter of EGO, if your spouse sets something what you don’t like; shutting someone’s mouth to satisfy your EGO is a big “NO”.

  • “CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST”

If both partner works to make relationship strong is not “COMPROSISE”. Yes! It is said after marriage the lady has to go a new house and she has to compromise. It should always be two ways. Relationship doesn’t say to change the person you love. It’s better to notice each other’s negatives, diffencies. Yet it is always advisable to appreciate them to improve with love and support.

  • “URBANISATION HAS MADE IT BETTER”

Within increasing nuclear families both the partner’s has to work to sustain livelihood. This urbanization has given wings to partners to express and live the way they want. We are not here to criticizing joint families. We are only stressing that everyone in relation or not in relation, married or unmarried should be given a right to be in the way they want. We should never change ourselves if our satisfaction is not giving us permission to do so.

 

If you have undergone any self esteem crises in relationship or in your married life. Book our MARRIAGE COUNSELOR or THERPIST at www.myfitbrain.in to seek help.

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