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Even whether the days when parents arrange a marriage for their children are definitely over in our society, the parental view is still important for two people who are planning to share their lives together.
Unfortunately, in a quite often situation, two lovers have to deal with the reluctance and/or resistance of the family of one or the other or of both families at the same time.
This is a delicate situation that must be carefully handled in order to maintain the multiple conflicts that could result in difficulties.
This is a difficult question to which many lovers are subjected in the love marriage without ever knowing how to go for it. And yet, there are many tricks to manage situations without problems.
A romantic relationship doesn't often involve just two people.
Behind these two actors, a whole social environment is hidden whose influence is not considered to be negligible. As a result, the family constitutes a social institution with a strong impact on the management of a romantic relationship. This is a complicated step for many long-distance relationships. Unfortunately, like in most cases, there are very good chances that your parents have a fairly negative opinion of this type of relationship.
This is the reason that I receive a lot of emails and messages asking me how to solve this problem.
It is true that one can manage to overcome the judgment of friends or acquaintances, or even ignore it if necessary, but in general, parental acceptance exceeds this level and constitutes an essential step to go to the next level in a long-distance relationship. And this is no small task.
The fact is that it must be a real work of persuasion that must take place, in order to make your parents realize that your relationship is healthy and legitimate.
Here are three simple steps to follow in order to convince your parents (or those of your partner's) to accept your long-distance relationship:
The key to responding to their objections is to listen to the first and try to understand your parent’s main fears and see what factors restrict them to accept the relationship.
It is very likely that by listening to them you will realize that:
However, try to change your point of view: if you would be there in the same situation as your parents, would you not react in exactly the same way to this news situation?
Yes, I can guarantee you would react in the same way! This is precisely what we want to prove. You will seek to put yourself in their place and show empathy for them so that they realize that you are not naive or blind in love. Concretely, tell them the opposite thing that you would have the same concerns if the roles were reversed, but that there is absolutely no reason to worry since you are both sincere, mature and love each other passionately.
Now that we know, your parents surely think that this relationship can be futile, harmful or even risky for you, you have to reassure them by proving that, on the contrary, you are the ideal couple.
It goes without saying. Parents only want to know that their child is in safe hands and will not be negatively influenced or hurt in any way. In other words, parents need to know that your partner is good and trustworthy.
To do this, as you might have thought also, the easiest way to convince them is to make your partner speak to them directly, either in person. And here the challenge is that your partner must give your parents a good impression at first sight.
This means that your partner must:
Prove that you are happy together. Marriage is an important step in your life. It is a serious decision that you must take wisely and everyone has the right to choose their soulmate regardless of caste, principle or colour.
It will help if your parents are already familiar with the person you love and he/she has a good impression on them. If not, make them meet your partner at least once in an informal meeting before telling them you want to get married to them.
Make sure you both introduce each other to your family as a caring person. Do not present him as your partner right away. Let your family know the person. Be careful to make a good impression by always being attentive. Let all of your cousins know who you get along with and whom you can trust. They should know with whom you are in love and that you need their support when the tough time comes.
After a few months, your respective families will know your partner and when you tell them that he/she is your perfect half and that you want to get married they will not stress too much because they will know you both and they will feel the same as you regarding your married life.
To convince your parents the first step is to make them meet your partner. This meeting's purpose will be to make your own parents understand your relationship and how much devoted you both are for each other. Tell your partner everything on time so before the meeting (Please Note: I am not talking about putting a false side of your partner in front of your own parents, I am just telling you to make your partner give their best when they meet with your parents).
If you are able to use this meeting to impress your parents that he/she is an ideal match for you, it will be simple for them to convince you of a love marriage with him.
An even better thing to do would be to present your daughter/man to your parents as a friend of yours, at least every year before intending to marry.
Help your parents to know about each other and help them to understand each other in a better way. If you talk about someone to your parents and understand later then it can create an issue of union with them. So convincing your parents that they are understanding, caring and the relationship would last long would not be much more difficult.
Mention some familiar cases to illustrate yours before the meeting is important to judge. It will surely be helpful in creating a better opportunity to have a happy life and common compatibility, which brings me to a vital point.
Compatibility goes far beyond horoscopes, caste, food customs, family history, and fiscal capacity. It will depend on the types of characters, beliefs, tastes and approaches to the relationship, etc. And these things can never even be tried without spending at least two years in an active relationship with one another (that you are all fine).
Choosing a man or a girl with whom you plan to spend your whole life implies reconciling different personalities, those of your parents and your lover. Your family may hate your choice. Facing this situation and reaching a consensus would save your love for each other. No one is held responsible but it may take time to do its work.
If you are a classic couple, whether the family of your partner is rather traditional or in general, you appreciate this custom, here are some steps to avoid when you confront with the parents of your partner:
Wait until the day before the wedding to drop by your in-laws! Tradition is that a man goes to his father-in-law to ask for his daughter's hand before he even asks his partner.
You are of course not obliged to respect this custom to the latter. On the other hand, you will have to do it soon enough to show your parents-in-law that their opinion also counts.
Likewise, avoid telling your friends before your parents. You may be very close to a cousin, co-worker, childhood friend, etc. But generally make sure to talk to your parents and parents-in-law first about your marriage plans.
By telling a friend about the news, he or she could circulate the information that would come back to your parents-in-law before you even have time to tell them at first.
Asking for your partner’s hand doesn’t need to be awkward even if the parents know well already. In this case, it will be a simple formality and you will feel a high level of comfort in their company. On the other hand, if you have never had the opportunity to get to know your in-laws, the task will be more difficult.
You don't need to ask for your partner's hand when you meet your parents-in-law for the first time.
Arrange to spend a few moments with them before you go ahead and ask them the fateful question.
Better to know who you're dealing with before saying a word! Try to gather some information about the habits of your in-laws.
Are your parents-in-law simple, laid back, traditional, who share good manners and thinking? Adapt to their style so as not to hurt them and prepare your request according to their character and see how it works.
There is, of course, no question of buying the affection of your parents-in-law. On the other hand, little attention will always be welcomed to relax the atmosphere and make the atmosphere even warmer. A pretty bouquet of roses, chocolates, a good bottle of wine, the gift doesn't have to be extravagant, just to show your affection for your spouse's family.
Avoid telling them that you will take care of the preparations for the wedding alone. Instead, offer them the opportunity to get involved in the preparations by helping you. For example, to set up a beautiful wedding room decoration. Your parents-in-law thus feel involved in this new project and they'll not feel to be left out of your new life that you are going to build together.
Did you ask for the hand of your future partner to their parents?
Have your own parents also warned you of the big news?
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