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Love conquers all trials and the universe shares in the happiness of profound love. Dreams of children and ‘living happily ever after’ seems the norm. Sadly enough, about 50% of marriages face roadblocks along the path. As it is often advised for medical conditions, the earlier, the better while seeking the couple’s support. Why not expect the complexities of living together and seek counseling beforehand for anticipated problems? Especially in cases of remarriages and if both are divorcees, early advice would be strongly recommended. Just like with sicknesses, people wish to avoid unpleasant subjects, hoping against hope until too late and symptoms have got aggravated. Well, that is human nature. The answer to the question ‘when to get marriage counseling’ is ‘EARLY.’
Conditions that might disturb marriage bliss
Extra-marital affairs for one or both partners
Emotional, physical or sexual abuse
Distrust and suspicion
Professional or financial problems
Legal or property matters
Dark secrets of the past now revealed
Blackmail internally or outside the relationship
How to save the marriage
No hubby or wife would like to break up the partnership if it can be avoided. Mature thinking indicates that a wedding is a legal contract with mutual responsibilities. Though starting perhaps as sentimental love stories, the hard facts of reality start staring at the face rather soon. Jobs and money, children and health, education and the future start appearing all at once like dangerous, dark clouds.
According to nationalities, religions, and cultures and the state of development, the divorce percentages vary. As a rule, divorces are reducing throughout the globe as they should be in the interests of the family, children, and society. Yet, a country like India has increasing divorce rates, though few. Advanced countries like America experience excessive divorces, maybe as many as half of all marriages!
Progress of women
Compared with earlier centuries, isn’t it heartening that women are nowadays educated and working on an equal basis with men? It means that women’s exploitation is getting more complicated, and they cannot be treated like sex toys alone. The family is undoubtedly more reliable with a working mother though the kids have to be left in daycare or with a nanny.
Technology brings apps for couples
Almost every problem nowadays finds solutions in technology. Apps for couples help very busy professionals, especially those who need to travel often, get close together. Communication is a crucial issue, and face to face understanding is more difficult now compared to social media with distant contacts! Sharing notes and pictures, and updating each other like over CCTVs do help to understand and make the family and professional pressures so much easier to tolerate. The couple and the kids know that a grand vacation comes around each year when it will be time to revive feelings and intimacies.
Roughing it out for a while does make sense in certain situations rather than being in a hurry.
Compatibility in marriage
When to get marriage, counseling is often related to ill-matched couples. Differing faiths and professions, languages, and cultures are some reasons that create a union of misfits. Most weddings are in inconvenient settings. Arranged marriages have certain advantages. The two sets of parents and families oversee the entire process and quickly deliver fixes when problems occur. Generalizations are difficult to make, but it would appear that two doctors or teachers have a better chance of hitting it off well. A significant advantage of professional support is assured, a substantial factor in the competitive lifestyles of the present. Whether the bliss would last a lifetime or a decade is hard to predict.
Urgent situations that cannot wait
Perhaps the partners have waited too long already in an ill-fated union. Maybe the hubby or the wife has already decided in favor of divorce. The reason may be a desire to remarry with someone more precious or more compatible. Agreed that some relationships had better be terminated on the broader interest. Physical, psychological, emotional, or professional conflicts can get very tense and even lead to dire situations like suicide or murder. Perhaps the mistake made was not to seek counseling in time many years earlier.
Yet, some Asian cultures like the Indian would instead seek astrological services and even black magic to conquer problems like unfaithful lovers or getting love back into a lackluster marriage. Believing that stars and destiny are responsible for the woes, a series of rituals and objects like healing gemstones may be prescribed.
Couples counselor rather than divorce lawyer?
One strong reason why marital disagreements reach a point of no return is that the marriage counselor was never given a chance. Opening up to strangers regarding delicate marriage intimacies may sound alien to many. The truth is that the modern technology-based lifestyle encourages such opening up that may have saved many couples, especially those that keep away from the public eye. Browse social media, and almost every aspect of family life is revealed in pictures and text. Why not speak up about marriage problems too and invite some advice. It does happen in some media platforms though and perhaps successfully also.
Saving a bitter marriage in time
Just like doctors are dedicated to saving lives even during pandemics at risk to their existence, counselors wish to prevent separations.
Emotional factors have not received due attention, overshadowed as the world is my money and property, fame, success, homes, and cars. Psychology and psychiatry have succeeded in making the world realize that emotional issues and stress factors, insecurity, and anxiety can be killing. Instead of running the risk of mental treatment, isn’t it better to start early and seek counseling?
The usual approach to marriage counseling may run into a few sessions of an hour’s duration each, single, jointly, or with the children. The problem is that the family may return to the old, destructive ways after the sessions are done. In such extreme cases, a counseling session once a month or every few months would result in sustained action.
Make a favorable decision because of the prevailing conditions. If in doubt, seek an appointment with a couple’s specialist. Talking it over in time with a list of potential or real marriage problems would help bring quick and easy solutions. They may now appear as big as mountains but will soon reduce to little hills. When to get marriage, counseling may not remain a mystery for long with the right counselor.
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