As per the Supreme Court of India, Live-in Relationships can be defined as, “An adult man and an adult female can domestically cohabitant without any legal binding. Further, the union of the two parties should be consensual.”
Globalisation has played an important role in the ever-evolving new Indian Culture. Thus, giving a gateway to live-in relationships in Indian society. The Indian society had frowned upon the culture of living together before marriage or without any legal binding, until the last few decades. Though in recent years, the number of youths, as well as adults entering such form of courtship, has increased in India. Let us view, the meaning, benefits and main drawbacks of live-in courtship in India.
Live-in relationship can be referred to, “Two individuals coming together and cohabitating without any legal bonds to explore various areas of their relationship. Usually, individuals who enter a live-in relationship are already in a long-term relationship and want to sample married life without any legal bonds, or individuals who want to enter a no-strings-attached relationship with all the perks of a married life (importantly the companionship and sexual relationship), or they want to maintain their single status for financial as well as personal reasons.”
Likewise, the main difference between marriage and live-in relationship is that the institution of marriage is a socially and ritually accepted union and a contract between two persons that constitutes rights and legal obligations towards each other. Whereas, in a live-in relationship, it is a union between two individuals without any legal and social (traditional) obligations towards each other.
Furthermore, individuals who enter such kind of courtship can have the following reasoning, they want to test their compatibility without the legal process, individuals who are already married to another person as the law does not permit them to have two marriages simultaneously, individuals who belong to Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender (LGBT) community and so on. Moving on, the important perk of being in a live-in relationship is that as there are no laws tying them together; Consequently, either of the partners can walk out of the relationship, as and when they want. Even though, there are many benefits for a live-in kind of relationships, following are the drawbacks of live-in courtship.
Problems Faced in a Live-in Relationship
Most common problems faced in a live-in relationship
SHARING THE SPACE
Usually, a couple decides to move in when they feel their relationship has deepened and want to share the same address without any legal bonds. When you decide you want to cohabitant together, you either move into a new place together or one partner’s previous residence. The real problems begin when you want to move your items but there isn’t enough space; For instance, you are not fond of the previous furniture and want to do a quick change but your partner isn’t ready. Other problems that may arise are when your work schedule clash and you are not able to spend quality with each other, you are annoyed by other’s food habits and preferences which may sound bizarre to you, does he/she knows how to cook, and will they help in doing the daily chores? These problems may seem petty, but they may also be cause for future arguments and misunderstanding. Furthermore, the real deal-breaker can be, if you are used to staying alone and not comfortable with sharing your space, you may feel your partner is invading your personal space which may eventually lead to breakups.
When you decide to move in together, you are high on the idea and may forget to think about the monetary angle in the relationship. For instance, will the lease be on both of your names or one person only? Will you divide the rent, or will one person pay the entire amount? Do you divide your monthly expenditures? Who will maintain the books? Do you open a joint account for joint expenditure? Who is going to pay utility bill? And so on. Meanwhile, you are blissfully oblivious to such problems until reality crashes in. In other words, you realise your mistake when the first-month bills arrive, and you may have to pay more than your share. Thus, you may feel taken for granted for monetary purpose by your partner, whom either can lead to your first, big lover’s quarrel or breakup. Many researchers have found that monetary quarrels are the most important reason for breakups or adultery in a relationship.
PERSONAL SPACE AND BOUNDARIES
Many a times, you may fight with your significant other for following reasons, you feel they are clingy, they neglect you, they don’t express their love for you, they don’t give you space and so on. Relationship Expert tells us If you crave some alone time during the day but your partner wants to spend the entire day with you. When you suggest you want to spend the day alone, it may hurt their feelings, may lead to stress between you two and you may break up in an extreme case.
In another instance, both of you love to do everything together, including spending time together, household chores, your interests and hobbies. You don’t have a boundary in your relationship, at the end of the day you will still crave some alone-time. In such a situation, you may forget your individuality; you may feel you are very similar and lose interest in your partner.
Moreover, in a relationship, trust and belief in each other is very important. When you are in a live-in relationship, your partner may feel both of you are sharing your life together which gives them the right to snoop through your phone. Such situation can arise if your partner is insecure, doubts you, think you are nonfaithful, may be of controlling nature, want to know what you are doing every second of the day and so on. You may try to console them by granting their wish to snoop through your phone, but everyone has a limit. If this obsession goes out of hand, you may quit. Thus, if such small adjustments or desires or wants in courtship are not met, then it can lead to a toxic relationship.
PRESSURE OF INTIMATE ACT IN A LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP
According to Relationship Experts, Intimacy plays a key role in your relationship, when you first move in together, you may fall into a sex groove or you may become sexually active. As time passes by, sex life may become rare and a thing you do occasionally or on a special occasion. As a result of infrequent sex life, you may start self-doubting yourself or lose interest in your lover. Also, you may start to think are you too horny? Have a sex kink? Or is there something else going on? Therefore, such doubts and misunderstanding can lead to bigger problems in your relationship.
TRANSPARENCY IN A LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP
When we enter a new relationship, we are not completely open about our past with each other. For example, there may be few incidences in your past that can affect your current relationship directly or indirectly. Further, once we start living together, there is a chance that the closet may open, and you will have to face your skeletons from the past. In other words, your significant other may learn about your secrets which may strengthen or break your relationship.
Also, when your future goals don’t match, it can create havoc in your live-in relationship. Furthermore, in a live-in courtship, your present and future are entangled with your lover and the weight of your career goals can affect your relationship. For instance, you may want to move to a different city or country for your career, you may want kids early and most importantly if your parents don’t approve of your partner. As parental approve is very important in Indian culture. Thus, these situations and matters are important in an Indian live-in relationship and if not handled with care may lead to lover’s quarrels and disagreements.
EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY
When you and your partner decide to take the next step in your relationship, i.e. living together. The assumption may be that it’s a long-term commitment or a trial run to see if you are compatible in a long howl. Therefore, the end goal as per you may be marriage but your partner may not be on the same page. Which can lead to conflict and maybe a deal-breaker in a live-in relationship?
Moreover, in early stage of your relationship, you may have found your partner’s quirks charming as well as lovable. Such as goofiness, laid back behaviour, dominance, possessiveness, and so on. Over the course of your long steady relationship, such behaviour can start to get on your nerves, i.e. you may find it irritating, irrational and annoying at times or always and you may even start to hate the same quirks which you once found attractive. Hence, such irrational and annoyance can lead to fights and in the process, you may hurt your partner emotionally and mentally.
ENGAGING IN THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES
When you are dating your significant other, you tend to keep your apartment tidy when they visit you from time to time; But if you are not used to tidying up after your self or doing household chores such as laundry, cooking, dusting, to name a few. Chances are you may be in for a breakup if your partner appreciates cleanliness and tidiness. In other words, you may visit a dirty apartment for a few days, but you can’t live in one for long term. Therefore, such a situation can lead to breakups in extreme cases and situations.
INDIAN SOCIETY TABOO
Apart from criticism (mental and emotional) from family and friends, live-in couples face a lot of problems. For instance, societies don’t allow live-in relationship, thus, landlords or brokers don’t treat such individuals properly and may charge extra. Likewise, neighbours, extended family and people from the religious community may shun such individuals from attending and participating in traditional Indian festivals. Hence, many live-in couples are forced to either marry or end their relationship due to societal pressure.
Moving on, you may feel live-in relationship is more work than pleasure, but we can’t forget every kind of relationships requires work to become successful. Below two tools are mentioned which can help you improve as well as strengthen your live-in relationship.
Here are some techniques discussed by our Relationship Expert to make live-in relationship a success
It is important to discuss your expectations, desires and wants about the live-in relationship with your partner before you enter into it. In other words, you need to be clear about your future gaols about the relationship i.e. doing you want to get married or no, in a few years’ time? Do you want to buy new décor for the house? Do you want to employ extra help around the house? And so on. In conclusion, it is important to pre-discuss your live-in relationship terms and conditions to avoid conflict and breakups.
An expert opinion is the best kind of help you can get to transition into your new life chapter as well as improve your live-in relationship experience. At MY FIT BRAIN, you will find a trained specialist who will support and guide you in your journey towards happy live-in courtship.